This week, I decided to watch a TED talk that everyone can relate to. This one is about love; it was given by a woman named Helen Fisher who talks about why we crave love and what happens in the brain when you’re in love. (She also had another TED talk called "Helen Fisher tells us why we love and cheat.") For a long time I’ve always wondered, why do you fall in love with one person over another?
When she said that 95% of people have dumped someone that loved them and have been dumped by someone they love really interested me. I knew that relationships don’t work out but I wasn’t aware of how often it happens with people that are truly in love. She said that the brain releases dopamine and natural stimulants in your VTA. These cause a rush similar to the one of cocaine. It was weird to think about how severely addictive love is. You become obsessed and lose yourself. Love is something that everybody searches for, and people will do just about anything for it.
The second thing that surprised me is when she said people that get dumped tend to want love more passionately. The common misconception that many believe, including me, is that after people get dumped they’ll try not to love for fear of being rejected. But in fact it makes people what love even more. The brain is more active when you can’t get what you want and you’ll start to calculate what went wrong and why the other person in the relationship let you go.
Something that I disagreed with is when she stated that with romantic love, you focus on one person. There are situations I’ve witnessed where you can romantically love more than one person at once. Do you believe you can only truly love one person at a time? Why or why not?
I agreed with Fisher when she sad that with love, you go through the same effects as addiction. You have to see them as much as possible, you experience withdrawals and relapses. I’ve seen it first hand with my friends. They start to ignore you because they don’t have time, they feel anxious if away from their boyfriends for too long, and just can’t stop thinking about them. I also thought it was interesting how she described love at first sight. She said it was an attraction the may only last for a second, but is instant.
Now they juicy stuff, why do you fall in love with one person over another? As of right now, nobody knows. There are been many studies on the subject, but none have been conclusive. Even if I could, I don’t think I would want to know what exact type of person I would fit with perfectly. True, it may save some broken hearts. But going through the process of breakups, you’ll be able to appreciate your true “soul mate” when you do find them.
